Last Friday I had an epiphany. You know, one of those moments where the light bulb goes on and you see something so clearly you wonder how you never saw it before?
I have been struggling with a lot of change at work these past couple years – changes in ownership, management, and philosophy; downsizing, outsourcing and layoffs. I’ve managed to hold onto my job so far but there is an unspoken threat over our heads that anyone of us could be next. I’m on my third change in manager in just this year alone. Very, very unsettling. And several non-work related events, like the sudden death of my stepson, have added another layer of complexity to my life.
It would be an understatement to say this has been (and still is) stressful. And much worse, I have been allowing the stress to control my life. I’ve become totally disorganized at home, letting things pile up. My creativity has all but evaporated and I’ve barely sewn, quilted, scrapped or stamped anything at all in the last two years or so. And when I attempt something, it’s almost too painful to complete because my “mojo” has gone into hiding.
Worse, my body has recently started to exhibit symptoms of this stress. My weight is creeping back up. My sleep is disturbed. And a few other uncomfortably painful (though not fatal) issues have emerged.
My epiphany? That I have been allowing things to literally and figuratively “burn my ass” (if you’ll pardon the phrase…). I have internalized all this emotion and allowed myself to become victimized by the events and circumstances of the past few years. I have felt isolated, powerless, without allies, and unable to trust those around me at work. (And no, I’m not paranoid – I have plenty of friends and stable relationships outside of my work environment.)
I have been struggling with a lot of change at work these past couple years – changes in ownership, management, and philosophy; downsizing, outsourcing and layoffs. I’ve managed to hold onto my job so far but there is an unspoken threat over our heads that anyone of us could be next. I’m on my third change in manager in just this year alone. Very, very unsettling. And several non-work related events, like the sudden death of my stepson, have added another layer of complexity to my life.
It would be an understatement to say this has been (and still is) stressful. And much worse, I have been allowing the stress to control my life. I’ve become totally disorganized at home, letting things pile up. My creativity has all but evaporated and I’ve barely sewn, quilted, scrapped or stamped anything at all in the last two years or so. And when I attempt something, it’s almost too painful to complete because my “mojo” has gone into hiding.
Worse, my body has recently started to exhibit symptoms of this stress. My weight is creeping back up. My sleep is disturbed. And a few other uncomfortably painful (though not fatal) issues have emerged.
My epiphany? That I have been allowing things to literally and figuratively “burn my ass” (if you’ll pardon the phrase…). I have internalized all this emotion and allowed myself to become victimized by the events and circumstances of the past few years. I have felt isolated, powerless, without allies, and unable to trust those around me at work. (And no, I’m not paranoid – I have plenty of friends and stable relationships outside of my work environment.)
While I might not have had any control over the changes at work, I know that I can exercise control over my reactions and responses to them. I have options! Right here, right now, I choose to change my thinking and commit to a new and improved ME!
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